A great concept to look at is called the be/do/have model. In looking what we 'have' (or don't have) the thing we often focus on is what we are 'doing' which is what brings about what we 'have'. For example,
If we want to 'have' extra money then we may need to get a second job, or do overtime, or make some personal cutbacks. This is the 'doing' to get what we want to 'have'. Sometimes however, we need to go a little deeper, and look at who we are 'being'.
When we realise who we are 'being', our 'doing' can either be challenged or strengthened, which will affect what we 'have'. If in our example of wanting extra money we do the second job, or the overtime etc, then we need to ask who are we 'being' in that situation? Are we 'being' selfish by wanting extra money and doing the overtime, or second job and penalising the family? Are we in a financial hard place due to our mismanagement of personal finances or bad budgeting, or are we 'being' disciplined and just in a season where we need to do it hard because of a financial crisis that has suddenly come up?
The 'being' factor is not always bad, but the 'being' factor needs to be considered so that the 'doing' and 'having' all come into balance. It is who we are 'being' that really affects us. When we realise this, we realise that exactly as you said, it is in our control.